A Cats Mary Sue Parody
by Eunike
Summary: [Cats] Well, I was bored...This is a Mary Sue parody. A new queen comes to the junkyard and just happens to fall in love with Mistoffelees Finished
1. And so the nightmare begins

Making fun of Cats Mary Sues (= the infamous mushy love stories starring a random tom and a perfect made-up character and blah blah blah) Yes! Crappy character representations, over-used plot, extreme shallowness, sickening romance and a made-up you wish to choke!  
  
The things you write when you're bored...*eww*  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Cats but I unfortunately own the Mary Sue but I really don't care if you poke her in the eye or something. Hate her.  
  
THE CATS MARY SUE PARODY  
  
It was midnight. The full moon was brighter than ever and stars twinkled on the sky like millions of diamonds. Yes, it was time for the Jellicle Ball. Again.  
  
Tumblebrutus and Pouncival were playing hide-and-seek. Victoria was dancing. Etcetera was screaming when she saw Rum Tum Tugger. Jennyanydots and Jellylorum were taking care of the kittens. And all the other characters just hung around doing other stereotypical things that they usually do in fics. (But we'll don't mind them and get right onto the point since they don't really matter.)  
  
Mistoffelees sat alone in the darkest corner of the junkyard. The black and white tom was staring at the moon feeling very strange. He knew that something was happening (he was a magical cat, I tell you)  
  
"Hi Mistoffelees! What are you doing", said Victoria, who had just joined him.  
  
"Nothing special", he replied.  
  
"Is something wrong?" Vicci (Don't you just loooove that nickname?) asked.  
  
"Not really. Well, there is something, but I can't explain it. But thanks for asking, anyway. Not that you really care but this is one of those meaningless conversations, which point out only that I'm a really nice guy though I won't end up with you. Plus, the author wants to be just like you (Not really, but this is a parody)," the incredibly handsome tuxedo tom replied and smiled.  
  
"Ok, then. Bye" she replied and left.  
  
Mistoffelees looked at the moon. Suddenly, he heard something. Someone was walking towards him from shadows!  
  
"Who's there?!?!?!?!?!?!" He asked and prepared himself for a battle.  
  
The shape came into the light. Mistoffelees gasped. He was looking at the most beautiful queen he had ever seen.  
  
(Take a comfortable position, please! This description is gonna be long!) (Yes, these author's notes within the story are a part of the deal)  
  
She was small sized, just like Mistoffelees himself, only a little bit smaller. Her silky, shining coat had the finest shade of moonlight silver mixing perfectly her snow white chest and face with a few, golden spots on it. The tip of her beautiful tail was also white like the full moon as well as her soft paws. She looked like an angel standing in the silvery moonlight that made the grey of her coat look even more wonderful. Her big eyes were sparkling blue like two sapphires or springs. Only a short glance were those two bright stars was enough to hypnotize Mistoffelees. Her other face features were also perfect and stunningly beautiful; the lovely, black nose with the faultless shape and pink lips. Her smile was like a peaceful spring morning or the song of a thousand birds. Her ears were also wonderful with small tips of black on the tip of them. The other ear was silvery like most of her amazing body; the other one was white like a wild lily or fresh milk. The ears made the mysterious queen look special but even more gorgeous.  
  
(INTERVAL! Free coffee and muffins! And onward we go! Come on come on! Don't you die on me now! We're already halfway there! Says someone who is about to drown in her own vomit right now)  
  
She was wearing a pink silk ribbon on her neck. It might have been only a ribbon but when worn by that goddess it looked like a diamond necklace or a wreath of blooming lilies and roses. It was as if the goddess of beauty had taken form of a female cat. There was something fascinating about her; at the same time she looked virtuous and innocent and wise as well as strong like a tiger and fragile like a snowflake. Actually, she looked just like Jemima but where Jemima's coat was black and red, hers was silver with the few, wonderful golden spots as if the rising sun had seen her beauty and cried a few golden tears than fell on her smooth, shiny fur and finished the great work of art mother nature had given her when she was born. Yes, this was indeed the most beautiful thing Mistoffelees had ever seen in his whole life. (Phew!) (Yes, I know it's lacking terribly in detail but I hope you got the basic picture of the character)  
  
She walked to Mistoffelees with the most perfect movements and he felt his whole body tingling as she moved closer. He couldn't take his eyes off this wonderful creature, he couldn't!!! He didn't even dare to blink although he thought he was going blind of all the beauty in front of him.  
  
"Hello", she said and Mistoffelees caught a sight of her perfectly white and flawless teeth. They were like pearls or sparkling jewels. Her tongue was salmon red and soft. (Getting sick of this yet?) And that voice! It was music! Every word she said (in this case, THE word) sounded like poetry. Her voice was gentle and he could only imagine how she sang!  
  
"My name is Mistostrapnightdancerrmoonlightstaremimasymphony. But you can call me Misto-Symphony (Don't you just love that name?) (Have you ever noticed that all the Mary Sue names sound like strip clubs, racehorses, boats or drinks?) I'm looking for the Jellicles. And yes, this is how I talk to every single strange tom a meet", she said and once again her silvery coat with the pretty fair spots shone on the darkness and her sapphire eyes glittered.  
  
"I-I-I..." Misto said. He was still stunned by Misto-Symphony's charming beauty.  
  
"I'm Mistoffelees", he finally said gulping, "And I'm a Jellicle"  
  
"Oh! You have o help me!" she cried, "Macavity, the mystery cat is after me! He wants to be my mate 'cause I'm a magical cat!"  
  
"What?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!" Mistoffelees said, "I'm a magical cat too! And I will help you!"  
  
"Really? I thought I was the only magician!" she said and smiled her wonderful smile that could make the sun shine when it rained. Mistoffelees knew it: he was in love.  
  
"Come on! Let's go to the junkyard!" Mistoffelees said and they left.  
  
---  
  
What will happen? Will Mistofflees confess his love to Mistostrapnightdancermoonlightstaremimasymphony? Will they become mates? (Boy, that's a toughie!) Will Macavity have another evil yet pointless and extremely stupid plan to enslave the Jellicles or do something else as meaningless and will he succeed? And most of all: is the author bored enough to write more of this crap? Stay tuned for the possible second chapter of THE CATS MARY SUE PARODY! 


	2. More crap

New chapter. The dialog is even worse, no details included (except when describing the heroine's beauty) and general crappiness. Read and cry. Of pain and horror.  
  
Gentlemen, I have now titled my Mary Sue story: Mistostrapmoonlightdancerstar.... oh heck, even I can't remember it! Let's just call the story MISTO-SYMPHONY (pretty original, huh, huh?)  
  
Disclaimer: Still don't own Cats  
  
CHAPTER II (in which Mistostrapmoonlitartuiahy6sgft34v1jaw5f9q ((oh **** it)) our heroine ((aka our Mary Sue)) meets the other Jellicles and faces her traumatic past)  
  
Mistoffelees lead Misto-Symphony back to the junkyard despite the fact that he actually never left the place anyways but this is a parody so the only places we visit are the junkyards and Macavity's secret hideout (which is ridiculously easy to be found, of course)  
  
All the others cats were already started dancing 'cause it was the Jellicle Ball. Again. Suddenly everyone stopped. All the toms gasped and stared at Misto-Symphony who had just entered the junkyard.  
  
"Who is SHE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"(Nev er enough those) asked Munkustrap and stared at the goddess-like queen who seemed to be beaming moonlight all around her by her stunning beauty. She smiled shyly as she saw how all the toms were staring at her and blushed slightly. She looked so innocent and pure as if she was a sculpture made out of the finest marble but still she was blooming like a white rose.  
  
While all the other toms were still admiring her incredible beauty Rum Tum Tugger leapt at her and introduced himself:  
  
"Hello, I'm the Rum Tum Tugger", he said.  
  
She glanced at him with her sapphire eyes which were like two brilliants shimmering in the silvery moonlight and replied:  
  
"My name is Misto-Symphony"  
  
Her voice was so beautiful and crystal clear. She sounded like an angel or a serine.  
  
Tugger stared at her charming beauty for a moment. Then he noticed Mistoffelees who stood beside the silver and white queen.  
  
"Oh, hi Mistoffelees! Where on earth did you find her?" he said and turned his face back to the amazing creature.  
  
"I just met her. She's a magical cat just as I am and needs our help", Mistoffelees replied.  
  
"Of course we'll help you although we just met and we don't actually know anything about you but you're so wonderful and beautiful that you can stay and we will even waste our time to help you!" said Old Deutoronomy said, "You are a very special queen, I can feel it!"  
  
Suddenly Jemima entered the scene.  
  
"Misto-Symphony? Is that you?" she said (Sick of this said-replied thing? I know I am ;)).  
  
"Jemima?" the silvery queen replied and gasped.  
  
The both beautiful queens (Misto-Symphony was of course more beautiful, though) ran to each other and embraced.  
  
"You two know each other?" Mistoffelees said.  
  
"Of course we do!" Jemima replied, "She's my long-lost sister!"  
  
Everybody gasped and smiled.  
  
"Misto-Symphony? It's you!" said Victoria and ran to her, "She's my cousin!"  
  
"You too, Victoria?" Mistoffelees said.  
  
"Hey! Aren't I your uncle's cousin's old neighbour?" Munkustrap asked.  
  
"Yes you are! And Old Deutoronomy used to poke my aunt when uncle was out of town. Oh joy!" the angelic new queen replied and smiled.  
  
All the other cats introduced themselves to the graceful Misto-Symphony and crowded around her to catch a glance of her famous beauty. It appeared that many of the cats were somehow connected or related to her (except for most of the toms, the character the author doesn't like ((actually, there isn't one but this is a parody)) and Mistoffelees 'cause otherwise she couldn't make sweet love to him which will eventually happen but is not described in anyway since most of the Mary Sues are PG rated) Misto- Symphony received several flirty and admiring comments from the other toms but secretly her heart belonged to Mistoffelees. It had been love at first sight (yeah, they've talked like twice)  
  
Yes, everybody loved her. Except for one.  
  
(Sadly, this feature is included in Mary Sues very often. The authors seem to dislike Cassandra because she happens to look different, which is a shame because I happen to consider her as one of my favourite characters and am extremely annoyed whenever I see a fic where she's this mean bitch with no feelings whatsoever... But this is a parody and I'm partly doing this to prove a point so here it goes...)  
  
Cassandra was standing alone in the shadows and glared at the beautiful newcomer.  
  
"Hi Cassandra! What's up?" said Demeter who had just joined her.  
  
"Same old, same old. Being bitchy and all", she replied.  
  
"Say, Cassandra. What is it that makes you be so mean all the time?" Demeter asked.  
  
"Well, I am wearing this tight costume and all. And I once touched Mistoffelees"  
  
"Oh you evil you!", Demeter replied, "Won't you go and meet Misto- Symphony?"  
  
"No", she said, "I think I'll make everyone hate her just for the heck of it"  
  
"Ok. Bye!" Demeter said and left.  
  
Meanwhile the other cats had finally stopped surrounding Misto-Symphony and continued with the Ball. Of course, they were performing the same songs as last year but now Grizabella was gone and Misto-Symphony present.  
  
Misto-Symphony was even better dancer than Victoria. She even danced her solo instead of the white queen. She could also sing better than anyone else. That's why she sang all the songs instead of the other cats and even got to be Mistoffelees' assistant and his mate in the mating dance, though all of the other toms wanted to have her too. They were so happy!  
  
Then the Ball was over and everybody left. Everybody, except for Misto- Symphony and Mistoffelees. They were still dancing slowly with each other although the sun was rising.  
  
"You'll be safe in here", Mistoffelees said, "Macavity won't get you now. I'm here to protect you!"  
  
"Oh Mistoffelees! I lo... I loved the Ball!" she said and blushed. He blushed too.  
  
"Mistoffelees", she started after a moment of silence, "I'm so scared! I'm afraid Macavity will get me! He... he killed my parents!"  
  
"What?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!" Mistoffelees said.  
  
"Yes! It's true!" she said and started crying, "He killed my mother right after I was born and my father too!"  
  
"Don't worry, Misto-Symphony!" Mistoffelees said bravely, "He doesn't even know you're here! I love you, Misto-Symphony!"  
  
She stopped crying and looked up.  
  
"You do?"  
  
He nodded.  
  
"I love you too, Mistoffelees!"  
  
Then they kissed.  
  
But they didn't know that Cassandra was spying them and was already on her way to Macavity's "secret" hideout.  
  
---  
  
What will happen? Will Macavity get Misto-Symphony and force her to be his mate? Can Mistoffelees save her? Will the lovers ever be together? Will the author ever recover after realizing that she actually wrote this and created another monster in the evil realm of other Mary Sues? Stay tuned for the next chapter of MISTO-SYMPHONY also known as A CATS MARY SUE PARODY! 


	3. The Grand Finale

Author's notes: At last! The final chapter! Thanks for the reviews, everyone! Hope you've enjoyed this little insane parody... Wait a minute, did I just say 'enjoy'? Ugh, I don't find this so enjoyable.... anyways, you can't believe how much fun I've had writing this crap. Well, it's disgusting but very amusing. Oh well, on with the show. Nobody reads this bit anyways ;)  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Cats.  
  
  
  
CHAPTER III: The Grand Finale (in which our heroine shows she's not only beautiful and talented in everything but also strong and brave)  
  
Mistoffelees and Misto-Symphony fell asleep in each other's embrace. They spent the night in the junkyard, of course, since the author's imagination is too limited to make up other places. Suddenly they both woke up in a maniacal laughter:  
  
"Bwahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Mistoffelees jumped and pulled Misto-Symphony closer to him.  
  
"Mistoffelees, what's going on?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!" Misto-Symphony asked and her beautiful blue eyes shimmer of fear. Or more likely of surprise since she's the bravest queen out there and isn't afraid of anything (of course)  
  
"Look it's Macavity!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Mistoffelees replied.  
  
"Hahahaha!" Macavity yelled, "Join me, Misto-Symphony!"  
  
"Never, you evil cat! I don't love you, I love Mistoffelees and we will be mates and have a billion kittens together!!!!!!!!!!" She shouted bravely. Mistoffelees could do nothing but admire her determination and strength. And beauty, of course. Even now her silver coat glittered in the moonbeam like the starry sky and her sapphire blue eyes blazed of bravery.  
  
"Hahahaha!!!!!!!" Macavity laughed, "Marry me now or I'll kill your SISTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Misto-Symphony gasped. Macavity had captured Jemima! (No, Misto-Symphony couldn't be captured since she's the heroine)  
  
"You monster!!!" Misto-Symphony shouted, but it was useless. Macavity was already gone.  
  
(Thumbs up for Macavity's cunning plan. A mystery cat indeed)  
  
"Nooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" She shouted, "I must go after them!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"No, I can't let you do that! I love you so much! I can't see you getting hurt!!!!!!!!!" Mistoffelees said.  
  
"Then come with me! But you cannot stop me!" She replied (bravely) and then magically transported herself in Macavity's secret hideout, which is ridiculously easy to find. Mistoffelees had no other choice than follow his true love.  
  
Macavity's hideout was dark and scary (end of story)  
  
"Macavity!!!! Where's Jemima?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!" Misto-Symphony shouted.  
  
"Hahahahahahahaaaaa!" laughed Macavity who had somehow gotten back into his lair in the record time of 46 seconds. Don't ask how, that's not the issue in here.  
  
"Will you be my mate?!?!?!?!?!?!" he asked.  
  
"Never!!!!!!!" She replied.  
  
(Prepare yourselves to read the worst battle in the history of fan fiction writing)  
  
"Then your sister will die!!!!!!!!!!" he said and rose his paw to hit the little kitten but Mistoffelees stopped him. Then Macavity hit Mistoffelees. Then Misto-Symphony shot a magical lightning towards Macavity but she missed, not that she wasn't the best magician out there, Macavity was just quick. Then Mistoffelees went on and saved Jemima. Then Cassandra came and said "Hahaa! You will die, Misto-Symhony! And I caused it 'cause I'm evil and sleek!" and then Misto-Symphony killed her. Then Macavity tried to attack her but she killed him. Hurrah! (*wipes away a tear* Ah! That was poetry! Go me!)  
  
Misto-Symphony gasped and watched as Macavity's huge body fell on ground. Then she collapsed.  
  
"Misto-Symphony!!!!!" Mistoffelees shouted and ran to her, "What is it?!?!?!?!?!?!"  
  
"I-I-I...I've never killed anyone before!!!!!!" she said and her eyes filled with tears.  
  
"It's alright, my love. It's all over now", he said and held her in his arms. She was still so pure and innocent although she was so brave and strong!  
  
Misto-Symphony looked up to kiss her mate but then she saw something horrible: Macavity wasn't yet dead and he tried to swipe Mistoffelees.  
  
"Mistoffelees, look out!!!!!!!!!!!" she yelled and threw herself in front of her mate.  
  
Smash. Macavity's gigantic paw hit Misto-Symphony's fragile body.  
  
"Misto-Symphony!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Mistoffelees yelled and ran to her. She was all bloody, yet stunningly beautiful as always. Macavity grinned for the last time, then Mistoffelees killed him.  
  
Mistoffelees took Misto-Symphony in his arms.  
  
"No, you can't die now! I love you so! I've loved you ever since we met 3 hours and 23 minutes ago! We're soul mates! Oh, don't die! If you die, I'll die too! I can't live without you!!!!!!" he cried.  
  
"Mistoffelees.... I love you.... but you must go on!" she whispered.  
  
"I love you, Misto-Symphony!" Mistoffelees said.  
  
"I love you too, Mistoffelees!" she said and that was her last word. Then they kissed and her fragile but strong soul flew away to the Heaviside Layer.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Mistoffelees yelled.  
  
Then suddenly Misto-Symphony opened her eyes.  
  
"Misto-Symphony! You're not dead!" he shouted.  
  
"I was! But they sent me back to live my life with you! Our love was too strong! We're soul mates!!!"  
  
Then they kissed again and went back to the junkyard along with Jemima and lived their lives happily ever after.  
  
THE END  
  
--- Ladies and gentlemen, we have just seen a frightening resemble of the hideous and sickening clan of Mary Sues. Let us pray that one day we get rid of them for good, though it's highly doubtful.  
  
If this was a real Mary Sue it would be continued by numerous sequels, prequels, holiday editions, series starring Misto-Symphony and Mistoffelees' kittens who are at least as perfect as their mother and have special powers... but this is only a parody so let's leave that to the professionals. 


End file.
